Bullying

Bullying gets a lot attention from parents, teachers, schools, students and the media. And so it should. It can difficult to deal with bullying due to a number of factors, and because there are so many interested parties, all with conflicting views. In the home schooling community bullying within  schools is cited as a reasons for choosing to take their kids out of public schools. In fact according to a study completed by the ABC news 30,000 children are kept home daily because of their fears about bullying. So this is a big issue for home schoolers. In fact it's a huge social issue for everyone. Youth suicide is the third biggest cause of death in people aged 15-24- bullying is an influencing factor in many of them.

Let's first look at the definition of bullying. Dictionary.com defines bullying as "a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people." The NSW Government's Education Public School's site defines it as "repeated verbal, physical, social or psychological behaviour that is harmful and involves the misuse of power by an individual or group towards one or more persons."

If we think back to our own childhoods we can all probably remember a person we regarded as a bully. Maybe some of you were the actual bullies. When I was a kid it mainly involved teasing, naming calling and exclusion. For me it was being called 'four eyes.' I remember hearing an adult refer to being bullied as a 'rite of passage.' Bullying has always been around however it seems to be a bigger issue these days. What has changed in the last two or three decades to make bullying more of an issue? Or has the behaviour not changed at all but our willingness to talk about bullying has increased? In years gone by was bullying dealt with behind closed doors, if at all? These are all the issues I've been pondering of late.

There are a many types of bullying, all of which can have a profound, negative impact on the victims and their families.

Firstly there is the obvious bullying where one or more children are openly hitting or being physical with another student. Even though this is often the more distressing type of bullying (because there is sometimes blood involved) they are usually easier to deal with. This is because there is evidence of what took place. This could be ripped clothing, missing school books and bags, injuries and also witnesses to an incident. I believe this type of bullying is most likely to lead to a suspension. Having said that there are many stories of these physical assaults happening time and time again, where the school has failed to protect these kids from further attacks. According to nobullying.com 47% of males have
reported to being physically assaulted.

Then there is the more subtle bullying that can be just as traumatic. I'm talking about the whispers in ears, messages, gossip and lies being spread, bumping into them roughly... the list could go on. These ones are harder to deal with because they aren't out in the open. It is often one person's word against another. There is often little evidence of it happening, and if there is evidence or a witness to the bullying there is sometimes an excuse of 'I was just joking' or 'it was an accident.' In the past I've had children 'accidentally' bump another child into a wall, locker or door time and time again. The first time (and maybe even the second time) I could believe it was an accident. I don't believe that one student can 'accidentally' bump another student a few times a day over an extended period of time. Or the students who are caught sending nasty messages to another student calling them every name under the sun only to turn around and say that they 'were joking!' I never have, and never will believe the 'I was only joking' excuse or 'it was an accident' excuse after the first two times... These can be a lot harder to deal with because each individual incident by themselves don't always look 'really bad' to those looking at it from the outside. I've had a father justify his daughter's name calling and bullying as 'harmless.' Yes, one time may be harmless but when it is relentless and over a long period of time it doesn't become harmless. I don't think the victim's parents regarded it as harmless.

Then there is what I'm calling 'perceived bullying.' As schools, parents, teachers and the media all talk about bullying I feel some children, and parents, are becoming hypersensitive to bullying. Some believe that if two children have a one off spat or argument- it's bullying. Bullying is continual over time. It never ends. An argument over a footy match and if the score is 12 or 11 points isn't bullying. It's an argument. Some children believe that as soon as their feelings are hurt or if someone disagrees with their opinion- they are being bullied. Hurt feelings doesn't equal bullying. I'm more than happy for parents to come to me with concerns of bullying during school time, however I think it's important to question the kids to get clarification as to what happened. I can remember an irate mother coming up to the school one afternoon demanding answers, demanding suspensions and making claims of a physical assault. Her son came home covered in mud-telling her that another boy had "thrown him to the ground." According to him he did nothing at all. He was just standing there when the other boy just threw him to the ground. Of course when you hear this from your son you want answers- how dare anyone do that to my child- a normal response. What had actually happened was her son was playing footy and a number of boys over the course of lunchtime had tackled him... to the ground. This is a prime example of how students sometimes- don't lie, but leave out important information that completely changes the whole situation. I've also had a student claim a group of four students had hit him- turned out that he was playing chasey with them and he had been 'tagged' by each of the boys....



With this last type of 'bullying' I've mentioned I'd like to discuss resilience. There are times when students need to develop some positive self talk strategies. This will usually start with mums and dads role modelling these skills themselves. Children need to understand that just because someone does something that upsets them doesn't mean that they are being bullied, often there is a simply explanation- and it isn't the end of the world. A good example of this when I had an older boy who was probably about eight at the time. He came to me and accused another student of pulling faces at him. He accused her of doing this "three or four times"in a row. The poor lass accused of face pulling was sneezing and was this was when she was 'pulling faces' at him. In this situation there was a simple explanation however even if there wasn't a simple explanation children have a choice to make. This is isn't a serious form of bullying- it is just annoying. They have the choice to ignore the face pulling and go on enjoying their day, or they could make it into something it doesn't need to be.


Next we come to the modern day form of bullying- cyberbullying. From a parent's point of view this is scary stuff. It's scary for so many reasons. Obviously you never want your child to be bullied but when it comes to cyberbullying it can be so much worse. The internet has made bullying into a worldwide platform for people young and old to name call, shame and send death threats to for everyone to see. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people can see a video in a matter of days if it goes viral. To make things worse these acts of bullying can be done anonymously or by someone posing as someone else- fictitious or real. On top of all this there is the issue that this stuff could be going on right under the noses of both the victim and the bully's parents. How quickly can people flick from one screen to the next so that mum and dad can't see what they are doing online! There is the added issue of people feeling a lot more comfortable saying things to people online that they simply wouldn't say to someone's face. This means it can get really nasty.

Cyberbullying has so many layers and issues it really scares me. Luckily since I'm a primary school teacher this type of bullying is few and far between. The only instance of cyberbullying was when a boy made and posted a video outlining the reasons why he 'hated' another student. We only found out about it when the victim burst into tears one day at school. When I found out about it I was truly amazed. These were two boys considered themselves to be friends. They had progressed throughout their schooling together from kinder and were both genuinely lovely boys. It turned out that the bully thought it would be funny to post a video about his friend. The video got over 500 hits before it was taken down. Luckily for the friendship the victim chose to forgive his friend's lapse in judgement and they continue their friendship to this day. It's interesting though. Just one cruel act can change how you see someone. Even though this happened quite a few years ago every time I see the boy who made the video and even though he may be  kind and friendly to everyone I still remember this incident... which is a shame because I do think it was just one poor choice- I don't think he is a bad egg... but I still remember.

Bullying is such a big issue in the lives of our young ones. It is a problem of which I don't know the solution to. I truly believe the answer lies in how we raise our kids and how we treat each other as a society.

What do you think should be done to help reduce bullying in both our schools and in life in general? I'd love to hear what you've got to say about it.

If you or someone you know is in need of help please seek help at the following places:

* Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14
* Suicide Line on 1300 651 251

Before I finish this post I wanted to share my experience of suicide. I'm fortunate enough to never have had a family member or close friends make the decision to end their life but I have had a close encounter with it. A few years ago in the early hours of the morning our home phone rang. I bolted to get it, because let's face it, when someone calls at 3am it's not to see how you are going. I thought something must have been wrong with my mum or dad, or another family member. It was actually a wrong number. But this guy was suicidal.  He had already tried calling all the numbers he could find and he couldn't get through. I told him that I wasn't a help line... I have no training in talking someone out of killing themselves. He told me if I hung up on him he'd kill himself. I'm serious. So I talked to this guy for four and a half hours. We talked about many things. He told me about his reasons for wanting to end it all. I told him about some shit things that have happened in my life. He was a complete stranger, but we talked and talked. And then he just hung up. Just like that. I didn't know what he was going to do. He was calm before he hung up but it was so sudden. I cried for the rest of the day. The following day I got a phone call at work from Simon saying he had received a call from a family member of the guy I'd spoken to. After he hung up on me he went to his local emergency ward (like I had suggested) and was being treated accordingly. He told them about me and they found my number on his phone. He wanted them to let me know he was ok. They regarded me as a life saver. Simon later bought me a statute of hands to remind myself of what I did that day but I think anyone would have done the same thing. The point I'm making here is that strangers are usually willing to help a person in need.  I think about this man a lot, even though it happened years ago and I hope that he has found peace in his life.


I hope you've found this post informative. Please feel free to like, share and comment. Please feel free to message me with any typos or edits.

Love Alexis.

Homeschooling in the media

 

Home schooling in the media

In my first post I mentioned that before I started home schooling my impression of it consisted of large, Christian families being taught by a heavily pregnant mother. It also consisted of socially awkward children who were 'nerds.' Since then I've met a diverse range of families who home school for many, many different reasons. The one thing that they all have in common is that they want what is best for their kids, even if it isn't the easiest choice. So then I began to think about why I might have had such a narrow view of home schooling.

 

The answer is simple. The media. No, correction. The mainstream media. If you look at mainstream media, movies and TV shows they will often show home schoolers in a certain way. I find the two main ways they are portrayed in the media are either religious families or socially awkward students.

In this clip we see the Duggar family of "18 kids and counting" and their typical homeschooling day.















In this clip from "Mean Girls" we see a snippet of what 'you may think a home schooler is.' Again, religious families are in there, as are socially awkward kids.

Law and Order SVU: Season 5, Episode 16 "Home"

Synopsis: When a boy is found going through the garbage for food. It is discovered that the boy's mother has him on a strict diet and home schools him and she appears to be a bit paranoid. They sense that the woman's a bit off so they try to get social services to look into it. And when the boy is found dead, they learn that his brother killed him. They think his mother made him do it but he won't tell them.

Access to this episode on Youtube is restricted, but if you've seen this episode the detectives refer to home schooling as 'a cover for abuse.' Nice.

This clip is now 'unavailable' but I'm leaving my thoughts up about it and I'll check every now and then to see if it becomes 'available' again.

This clip aired on Sunrise on August 29th of 2014 and featured a "Sunrise psychologist" - Tanveer Ahmed and Carly Landa of the Home Education Association. I'm having trouble respecting this guy's opinions as he doesn't seem to have a good grasp of what goes on in schools or in the home schooling community. At one point he states that we use "more of our brain navigating the playground than in Maths and Science." Not sure what point he is trying to make here? That home schoolers don't play on the playground? He also states that "parents are giving up" when their children are having anxiety or bullying issues. He also goes on to states that instead of homeschooling kids when they have issues they should learn coping skills and resilience... How would he like someone to cope when they are put into a rubbish bin daily? Or bullied to the point of suicide? How is a child meant to learn when they are fearful or sad daily? I wonder if this guy has kids, and if he does, have they been physically assaulted regularly by their school peers. Tanveer also states that home schoolers aren't going to be able to avoid bullying because bullying in the workplace mirrors what happens in schools! He's acknowledging that the anti social behaviours learnt in schools will become life long issues. He also states that it 'de-professionalises" teaching. He gives the analogy of 'you don't go to the doctor and say 'I'm going to take out my own appendix.'' Hhhhmmm really? People don't question their doctor? I know of many people questioning their doctors and treating themselves! God forbid you question a doctor! What concerns me about this guy is that he is a 'former columnist' for the Sydney Herald Sun. Good grief! How many people would be reading this kind of rubbish and believing it... cause it's in the newspaper...

Karl Stefanovic talks about home schooling.
This interview with Vivienne Fox, Vice President of the Home Education Association.

Here is an interview with Bob Osmak on The Project.

 

 

Alexis from "My life as a home schooling teacher" talks to Leon Prittard from Fair Dinkum Radio about the current state of the Education System as well as the benefits of home schooling. This woman is brilliant... ;) P.S. This is an hour long... enjoy the sound of my voice...


Homeschooling sees large increase in Victoria in The Age on October 12th, 2015. The thing I find interesting about this article is the quote "Teaching a child to read is one of the most complex and difficult things that a child will ever undertake. Some children will require intervention by experts and we call them teachers." I look at this as fear based propaganda aimed at scaring parents into believing they aren't good enough or don't have what it takes to teach their own child. Yes, I'm a teacher, but teaching a child to read isn't rocket science!

So what do you think about the way home schooling is portrayed in the media in general? Often home schoolers are looked upon as being weird kids who have been locked away from the rest of society. Home schoolers know that this just isn't the case. These negative portrayals of home schooling certainly isn't helping us gain acceptance and support from our families and friends.

 

 

Please feel free to leave a comment, like and share on Facebook. Feel free to "Like" my page on Facebook called "My life as a home schooling teacher." Please message me with any edits or typos.

 

Happy home schooling

 

Love Alexis 

 

Do you need to be a teacher?

So is having the big ceremony with the cap and gown necessary to make you an effective home schooling teacher? In a word, no. There are many people who have received the cap and gown who are teaching in schools that aren't effective teachers! Yep. I said it. Just because you have a teaching degree doesn't necessarily make you an effective teacher, and just because you don't have a teaching degree doesn't mean you're not going to be a kick arse home schooling teacher. What matters is your passion and drive to be a great teacher. If you don't have this, there's a good chance you're going to suck. But I'm thinking that if you're reading up on homeschooling, you've already got the passion and drive needed!


So let's have a look at teaching qualifications. I'm calling them 'teaching qualification' because not all teachers have a degree in Education. All teachers will have a degree in something, but it doesn't have to be Education. If you have any degree you could have completed a "Dip Ed" in just one year. This is basically the fast track into teaching for people wanting a change of career. So the teacher in front of a class of twenty five students may have received their teaching qualifications in a year- completing 8-10 units to do so, with a handful of weeks experience in the classroom.

A large percentage of my time in university was spent covering education theories. Piaget, Multiple Intelligences, De Bono's Thinking Hats and more. Most of this was learnt from a book- so it's nothing a non-teacher can't research themselves. With the use of the internet there is a lot more information readily available now than when I was studying. Then there's Maths 1 and Maths 2 units of work. Each unit consisted of a one hour lecture and a two tutorial- so three hours a week in total. Over 12 weeks this totals 36 hours. So Maths 1 and Maths 2 totalled 72 hours.  The figures were the same for Literacy 1 and Literacy 2.  If you do one hour a day of Numeracy or research on Numeracy teaching, five days a week it's only going to take 15 weeks to 'catch up.' I think that's pretty 'do-able.'

Understanding your child's needs. Not the needs of 25.

The content of the units covered in university consisted mostly of 'how students learn X subject.' Nothing that couldn't be learnt from a book or good website. I'm going to go out there and I'm saying that 95% of what I've learnt about teaching and education has come from my hands on experience in the classroom working with kids. I've learnt about the different ways students learn, and I think this has  helped me to be a good teacher. What home schooling parents need to remember is that they don't have to worry about all the different ways kids learn. They just need to have a good understanding of how their child or children learn.  Not twenty five kids, just their kids.

Should there be a minimum score to get into teaching?

Then there's the 'score' you had to get in order to get a place to do teaching. In my first year of my education degree I met a young lass who bragged and joked about that fact that her TER score was so low that if she had scored 2 points lower she wouldn't have actually received a score. True story. Luckily for the education system she unsurprisingly failed every subject in the first semester. Unluckily for the public at large- she went on to start a nursing degree. She's not the only one who has gotten into a teaching degree that just doesn't have the right mind set to be a good teacher. The score required to get into teaching obviously goes up and down depending on how many Year 12 students apply at the end of the year, but I truly believe that there should be a minimum cut off for entry scores for teaching, even if this means there are more places than there are eligible applicants. 

Giving great teachers a bad name...

Just like any profession, there are a number of teachers out there, both beginning teachers and experienced teachers, who perform  poorly in their jobs. It is very hard for schools to get rid of under performing teachers. In fact there's very little checking up on teachers all together. I've been asked whether I do my work program, assessments and Learning Improvement Plans, to which I say yes, and it is left at that. Of course I do all of these things because that helps me to be a better teacher to my students. However, I know of a number of teachers who don't do these things even though they say they do...I've heard of principals complaining about under performing teachers but also saying there is no way to get rid of them. I have a friend (not at my school) who complained to me one day that she'd forgotten to bring her ipad into work and that she had 'nothing to do' while her students were doing their work... groan. And then there's a Facebook friend who regularly posts things like "just teaching a maths class"... well no, you're not- you're on Facebook. These are great examples of teachers who give all teachers a bad name....

I'm surprised at how many people say to me when they learn about us home schooling, things along the lines of "but how will you teach them?" or "how will you know what to teach them?" This is said to me by people who know I'm a teacher. I'm serious. I don't respond to such questions with anything other than 'I've got it covered.' So for non teachers out there, be ready for these types of questions. If I get them and I'm a teacher you are definitely going to get them too. Remember that you are their first and most important teacher your kids will ever have. You were capable of teaching them to walk and talk, crawl and feed themselves. For me it's a matter of 'my kid, my responsibility.'

So if you have passion for teaching your kids then you are going to be a fantastic teacher. And when people ask you what you do for a living, feel free to say 'I'm a teacher"- because you are!

I hope you've enjoyed this post. Please feel free to share, comment and like on Facebook. Feel free to message me with any edits or typos.

Love Alexis

Things I'm looking forward to doing... and "missing out on."

Are dress up days something you'll miss?

As a home schooling mum I'm often asked "aren't you afraid they'll be missing out on XYZ." They are talking about participating in school activities such as choirs, school musicals, sporting events, getting student awards, Japanese/ French/Chinese day etc. The list could go on. I've even been asked if I'm worried about not meeting any other schooling mums...  There was a time early on in our home schooling journey when I thought they might be missing out on some exciting activities. However over the last year I've come to realise that those activities I was most 'concerned' about them missing out on would not be an issue. Home schoolers are able to participate in camps, musicals, choirs all of their own free will. Nobody is forced into participating- like students are in some mainstream schools. What I've noticed is that home schooling mums and dads are quite good at searching for activities their children want to participate in, and if they can't find one they will organise the activity for their own child and welcome everyone else to come to join in.  

Here some of the things I'm looking forward to as a home schooling mum:

* spending time with the boys;

* meeting new friends that are like minded so I don't have to spend my day justifying our decision;

* sleeping in whenever we need to;

* lazy, calm breakfasts as a family- everyday;

* freedom of choice;

* learning along with my boys;

* seeing Simon teach and grow with the boys;

* going shopping/ on excursions/ travelling etc when school is in- less people;

* going on camps with the boys;

* interacting more with our community and much more.

Some things I'm happy to miss out on: 

* Parent teacher interviews;

* my boys getting 'Student of the week' awards for something mundane and pretending it is awesome;

* not having to worry about getting notices and payments back on time;

* not having to worry about home work;

* no school pick ups or drop offs;

* competitions and comparsions (from the Government, school, teacher and other parents);

* my kids having to go on an excursion even when the weather sucks because everything's been paid for already;

* worrying about uniforms;

* worrying about missing hats, lunchboxes, jumpers and spelling books;

* the playground dynamics between parents;

*dress up days for Book Week;

*baking cupcakes at 10pm for the cake stall the following day; and

*working bees.

With our official start to home schooling just over a year away I'm getting more and more excited about the journey. I literally can't sleep at night because I'm thinking of all the great things we are going to do. I'm not worried about my boys missing out on anything because the way I see it, they are gaining more than what they are missing.

So what are some of the things you love/ look forward to about home schooling? What are you happy to miss out on? Is there anything you ARE worried they will miss out on as a home schooler?

Please feel free to like, share and comment. Feel free to message me with any edits or typos.

Happy home schooling.
Love Alexis
XOXOX

A welcomed tragedy...

 A welcomed tragedy…

A tragedy struck our house the other week. We lost our remote control for the Fetch TV. It is similar to Foxtel. There was no way to use it without a remote! Oh no!

The most anticipated hour of the day...

I never considered our family to be big TV watchers- until we couldn't use it. The boys were never allowed to sit and watch TV from dawn to dusk but having no TV at all was something out of the ordinary. In the past the boys wouldn't be allowed to watch TV until around one o'clock in the afternoon. At this time they chose a movie to watch and since this was the first time they were allow to watch any telly for the day, they would usually sit and watch happily. I'd take this opportunity to catch up on housework- oh who am I kidding- I took this opportunity to have a nap. It was sweetness wrapped in a doona. Some days knowing I was going to get a 1pm nap was the only thing that kept me going. So when we lost our remote my first response was 'what about my nap?!'

The first 2-3 days were like detoxing from a sugar addiction. We were being forced to think of new ways to spend our new found free time.

The next few days were great and I actually began enjoying not having any artificial sound in the house at all. I enjoyed watching the boys interacting with each other more. We were spending our time a lot more thoughtfully than we were before.

With our new found free time we spent it doing more of the things we've always enjoyed doing. 

Here are some of the things we more often during our forced TV free days:

Our breakfasts looks nothing like this...

* we cooked more together- breakfast, lunch, dinner, desserts, cakes... not every meal, every day but more than before;

* we played hide and seek around the house (also a good opportunity to tidy the house when you are "looking" for them,)

* they played more in their cubby box where they drew on the wall, had tea parties in it, and took 'naps';

Getting dirty in the garden...

* we made more blanket forts;

* we tended to the veggie patch more regularly;

* we sang nursery rhymes more;

* we turned on music and danced more often (the boys now know how to 'moon walk';

* we looked through photo album of when they were a baby, and looked at photos of their great- grandparents;


Learning about our family

* we had pillow fights;

* we sat making faces in front of the mirror;

* we blew bubbles;

* we read more books;

* we painted more;

* the boys started to do 'chores' around the house;

* sometimes the boys would take themselves to their room. I don't know what they were doing- but based on the giggles and laughter from the other side of the door- they were having fun;

* we did more puzzles;

* they played with their doll's house (which also converts to a car parking garage, or dinosaur enclosure;) and

* we visited our elderly neighbours more often.

We were thoroughly enjoying our television free lives. Then it happened. We found it. It was hidden in a crevice behind our TV stand. I thought I'd be excited to see it because surely this would mean the return of my 1pm naps... right? No, I wasn't excited but I wasn't disappointed either. We carried on own TV-less lives until the following day. I asked the boys if they'd like to watch and movie....  and they said no. I almost fainted. It took two weeks to detox off television and I don't think we will go back to our old ways. We might keep it for weekends only. 

 

So do you think you'd have what is takes to detox from televisions? Is this something you want to do? Tell me what you think. 

 

I hope you've found this blog to be informative. Please feel free to share on Facebook. I also have a page on Facebook called "My life as a homeschooling teacher" that you can "Like" to keep up to date with my posts. 

Life: a competitve sport?

Life: a competitive sport?

One of my biggest pet hates is what I call a 'story topper.' You know the people I'm talking about. It doesn't matter if you are talking about something awesome that happened to you, or something really bad that happened to you- their story is always bigger and better, or sadder and worse... If you say you didn't sleep much, they say they haven't slept well for the last hundred years. If you tell them that your husband took you to a lovely Bed and Breakfast for your birthday, their husband took them to a lovely Bed and Breakfast in Paris for their birthday.... so I may be exaggerating just a little- but you know the people I mean.





Competitiveness between parents, family and friends came to mind when I was talking to a friend about the trauma I felt after having a medical issue a last year. I was talking to her about how emotional and drained I felt thinking about this brush with death. I aged twenty years in a matter of three weeks. She had cancer previously, she was similar age as me and her  children were the same age as mine. I went to her for some support. I told her that the doctors had found a 10cm mass on my ovary, that I had extremely high cancer markers and the long list of things that I could be was quickly getting shorter with each test. I told her I had an appointment with an oncologist the following day. I told her I was scared and obviously worried for my future and that of my family.  Her response to me? "You don't have cancer, come to me when you're diagnosed and we'll talk then- when you actually have it." She got up and walked away. Was this her way of making me feel grateful that I hadn't yet been diagnosed? I was dumbstruck by her response and our friendship has never been the same. Was this the time to compare the severity of medical illnesses? The coldness and competitive feel of her response brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.

Comparisons are expected.

There are places in life when you expect there to be comparisons and competition. I think a tennis match would be quite boring if there were no point scoring. Obviously when you go for a job interview you are presuming you are being compared to the other applicants. Its the comparisons and competition in everyday life that I'd like to talk about. These are the things that are unnecessary and sometimes just for show. They can often put pressure and stress on those involved, and this can lead to pressure being transferred onto the kids.

Let's start with awards. You know the ones I'm talking about. They are the ones parents put photos of on their Facebook pages. These are intrinsic rewards and often mean more to the parents than they do to the kids. Often, not always. Many kids can see through the award system in schools. Everyone gets one sometime throughout the year. In fact I had one girl in Grade 3 once say to her friend "don't worry about not getting an award this week- you'll get one this year- and you don't have to do anything to get one." I laughed to myself and thought ".... out of the mouths of babes." I know many parents want their kids to have their 5 seconds of assembly fame. I'm not one of those parents. Not if
it not a real achievement.

"That book."

I had a Grade Two child once who was having a tough time making progress with her reading. She was a real go getter and tried and tried to improve her reading. The goal we set together was for her to get to a certain level by the end of the year. It was below where she was "meant" to be for her year level, but it was a leap from where she was at the beginning of the year. In the last few weeks of the year she made it. I was so proud of her, and she was so very proud of herself too. I gave her a copy of the first book she read by herself- "Green Eggs and ham"- for her to keep. Her mum took a photo of us together with our thumbs up holding the book. Interestingly four years later when she was finishing Grade 6 she had complied a book with all her 'keep sakes' from her time in primary school. In it was the photo of us on the day I gave her the book. Even more interesting- she hadn't kept any of her 'special awards.' She is actually one of my Facebook friends now that she is an adult, and one of the first things she said to me after she contacting me was 'I still have that book." A tear. I think private praise is so much more meaningful than public praise that is forced. It is real praise, and not praise just for show.

Childhood isn't a race...

The comparisons that school awards arouses is often hurtful. I had a colleague have a parent once ask her why one student had received an award for 'putting a lot of effort into improving her reading' when her daughter was 'clearly' a better reader than the student who received the award. How sad that this parent felt the need to not only compare her daughter's achievements to someone else's, but to complain that she should've been the one getting the award. I actually saw her each week come to assembly and write down all the reasons each child got an award for. If I have a parent come to me complaining that their child hadn't received an award yet and ask me when they'd be getting one, I'd go to my list of students who've received awards, I'd count how many students hadn't yet received an award yet (say 8) and I'd say "sometime in the next eight weeks." (P.S. they are always in the eighth week...)



Do we want to raise a participation award generation?

Sports ribbons for school sports... blah. At my school our Junior School sports in the first week of the year. Students would compete in basic, fun events such as the egg and spoon race, obstacle course and the sack race. At the end of each race they received a ribbon based on where they came- 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th. Not a problem- right? The issue that I have is the students expecting to get a ribbon for events they didn't participate in. I remember a parent getting very upset with me for not giving her daughter a fourth ribbon (for those who don't know- the colour is yellow for fourth) The reason I didn't give her one... because she didn't participate in it. She said she didn't want to participate... but yet wanted a ribbon for it. The parent thought I was being mean for not giving her one- because "it's only a ribbon." In my view I wasn't just a ribbon, it was an acknowledge of effort put in... not the lack of effort. This leads on from my first point about school awards. Students and parents are beginning to expect rewards for merely existing. Is this what we want for our children? As a parent I want my boys to feel proud of themselves for trying hard to achieve something. I don't want them to feel pride because another person- teacher, parents, grandparents- feel proud of them. I want them to feel proud of themselves because they are legitimately proud of themselves- not because of how others feel. When my boys achieve something new I try to remember to word my response to them carefully. My past self would have said "oh I'm so proud of you." I would now say "you should feel proud of yourself for doing that." Can you see the difference? I can.

Labels. "Gifted" is a descriptor thrown around by many schools, teachers and parents these day. Yes there are definitely, without a doubt academically gifted students in schools. I don't have a problem with this, in fact I love seeing how far gifted students can go with a topic. What I find unnecessary is parents using it as a badge of honour or as a way to put other parents down.

Supportive parents are what every kid needs.

I remember a few years ago I had a situation where I had a mother come to me in tears one afternoon. Over the last few weeks two parents who were 'parent helpers' in the classroom had come to her with suggestions for what she 'should' do with her daughter if she wanted her to be 'gifted'... like their boys. The parent was upset because she knew that they weren't concerned about her daughter's education because she was well and truly a long way off being gifted. In fact they referred to her as being 'considerably behind.' Her mother and myself already knew this. The problem with labeling a child 'gifted' is that it needs more clarification. Are they gifted in everything? Are they academically gifted? Are they socially gifted? I've yet to see a gifted child that was indeed gifted in everything they did. Is academic intelligence more important than emotional intelligence? I had a child in my class one year who was indeed gifted in the area of Numeracy and very bright in reading as well. His mother took extraordinary steps to make sure everyone knew about his gifted label. The problem was that he had a very low emotional intelligence. I can remember him bursting into tears and wailing because he couldn't work out how to put a border on his page while we were working in the ICT lab. Maybe he wasn't used to being the one needing help or maybe he was
frightened his mother would find out he couldn't do something... (He asked me not to tell her...)

Searching for my intellectual superior!

Mainstream schools aren't the only ones effected by a parent's desire to slap a gifted label on their kids and use it to describe them as though it was their middle name as per their birth certificate. I've seen more than a few requests on homeschooling pages asking for play dates with "gifted students only." I find this really unnecessary, and wonder if this is coming from the parents or has their child said to them "I really wish to have a play date with someone who is my intellectual equivalent." Hhhmm. In the school play ground I see good friendships develop between students who are 'above the expected level' and those who are 'working towards the expected level.' I don't see how their level of intelligence should matter. What should matter is if they have similar interests to one another and enjoy each others company. Why limit their social circle like this? Does it even help kids to know they are gifted? I had a prep child once say to me, 'my mum says I'm the best.' She was very bright academically however my reply to her was 'oh, the best what? Best dancer? Best athlete? Best artist?' I didn't say this to put her down, but merely to let her know that there were many areas we could be 'the best' in.

Disco party...

Question: when did kids parties become 'events.' When I was a kid and we had a 'big party' this consisted of inviting five friends over. We'd put on music to have a disco, maybe use torches to give the room the impression we were at a real disco... Today, many kid's birthday parties are events. I've been to a four year old's party that 300 people were invited to... I'm not joking. I don't think Elliott even knows 300 people! The parents justified the large numbers with 'it's his first party ever.' He isn't the only kid whose parents have gone, in my opinion, overboard with their child's party. I can honestly say that over the last ten years I've only ever seen an 'old fashioned' party game played once... pass the parcel -and everyone got a prize... Before I had kids I had a friend once say to me that they weren't having a party for their kid that year because they 'couldn't afford it.' When I asked her what she meant she said that her child's first five parties cost around 2K each. What! She told me of clowns, bouncy castles, princesses, petting zoos, catering.... Catering? When I became a parent I was amazed to see so many different events, characters, performances you could hire for your kid's party. I think I'm pretty good getting helium balloons for each party. What more does a party need? Throw in some chips and hotdogs- bam- party complete.

Here is an interesting article about a child who was invoiced for missing a classmates party.  How would you react to this?

This competitiveness very often leads on to children making comparisons with each other. When it is a child's birthday they are allow to bring something special to show the class. They often bring a toy they received for their birthday. There has been a limited number of times when there hasn't been at least one student in the class to 'top' the birthday girl's or birthday boy's gift. For example,  there was a student who brought in a photo of their new computer. They were very excited about it, and knowing the financial situation of her family, they probably saved up for months in order to afford it. Then it came question time. One student took this as an opportunity to not ask the birthday girl a question about her special gift, but rather to state that they received a computer that was "heaps better" than the birthday girl's prized computer and began listing reasons why theirs was far superior. This is just one example, but it happens all the time. Kids trying to out do each other... I wonder where they get it from?

Why do people feel the need to let other people know how much better their kid is, how much more they love their kid compared to yours. Everyone thinks their kids it the best thing that ever existed. I don't think it's a consistence that I gave birth to the two best kids that ever graced the planet... just a coincidence. Parenting is hard enough as it is. We need to support each other, their choices and their place in life rather than making them feel bad about themselves. Because the thing with competition there is always a winner... and a loser. It doesn't have to be this way.