Socialisation in the home schooling community

 

I think about socialisation a lot, probably more than I should. Whenever people find out we are home schooling their first response is always 'what about their socialisation?' I have yet to have a different response from anyone who doesn't home school their own kids. I think it's something that home schoolers are going to get asked about more than anything else- so it's probably best to think of what you're going to say before people ask those questions.

For these people who ask the socialisation question the problem seems to be two fold. Firstly, their perception of how home schoolers go about their day and the amount and quality of the social interactions home schoolers have. Then there is the issue of what they see as being 'well socialised.'

Home schooling classroom?

Before I started our journey into home schooling my perception of what a typical home schooler did throughout the day was limited to say the least. I have a feeling that many people think that home schoolers stay at home most of the day in their 'learning space' and complete worksheet after worksheet- not seeing the light of day until the work is complete and correct. Home schooling is quite the opposite. For some people completing worksheets is the way they have chosen to teach their kids, but for many the world is their classroom! They are learning by doing, they are learning by interacting with others and they are having fun while doing it! I know of many home schooling families, particularly new comers, who try to overcompensate the socialisation their children will miss in schools by having playdates and activities every day. In a few weeks or months they've burnt themselves out socialising. So, the perception that home schoolers are sheltered from the world and have no interactions with others, is far from accurate.

 

I have seen a lot of discussions on Facebook pages and home schooling websites from concerned parents about their kids getting enough contact with other kids. Their main worry is 'will they have enough social interactions?'  and 'will they have enough friends?" John Holt, who was a world renown author and educator, strongly believed that children needed "two or three good friends, half a dozen at the most." For those parents worried about whether their children will be getting enough social interaction, I say that it is completely up to them. Even after we decided to home school I had visions of us having to travel far and wide to find suitable friends for the boys. I thought it may have been limited due to there being so few home schoolers out there. How wrong I was! Just in walking distance to our house there are three home schooling families with kids around the same age as our boys. Brilliant. In our suburb and surrounding areas there are hundreds of home schooling families willing to meet up. There are always more than enough sewing, art, sport, music, language lessons available for kids to participate in. The more you want to put into their social outings, the more you can do. Having said that we do live in a capital city. More rural areas may not have as many options. For those people living in rural areas camps could be a good way to network with children with similar interests, and then they can Skype when they aren't at camp...

Then there's the problem of people's concept of what constitutes 'socialisation.' For many people it means spending time with children their own age. This is what you call "Horizontal Socialisation." It is where children hang out and are influenced by children their own age. For me socialisation is a lot broader. When we home school we will be exposing them to social situations which will included different ages. This is "Vertical Socialisation." For me the benefits of vertical socialisation are huge-especially when we compare it to horizontal socialisation. As Simon says horizontal socialisation can be seen as "the blind leading the blind." I understand what he means. If all of the kids in a group are the same age who do they look to for good role models? How will they know how to act in certain situations if there is nobody older, or more experienced than them?

I was out with the boys just today with another home schooler at a park. All of our children were playing in a park when from across the other side of the play equipment I hear Nate screaming because he couldn't reach the flying fox. I get up to go and help him when I see an older child pick him up so he could reach and carried him while Nate was holding onto the bar. It was awesome to see.

 

Maybe... maybe not...

It is sometimes hard to know what to say when people question you about socialisation. The other day an elderly neighbour was voicing the concerns she had for our boys- in particularly the concern 'where are they going to get friends.' My answer was simple. "The same places you've met your friends." Okay, so I'm not going to be taking them to the local bowling green or to the weekly bingo tournament. What I meant by this statement is ' through life.' Then I asked her how many of her friends were school friends. She admitted that none of the friends she has now were ones she met at school. So then where did she meet them if she didn't meet them at school? The answer is simply she met them through living her life. Life is where our kids will meet their friends. And the beauty of meeting friends through your life is you are meeting friends from a wide range of backgrounds and ages. This is what I think is real socialisation, not socialisation en mass with children their own age. I think many people confuse the forced association we see in school with good socialisation. We generally emulate the people you spend the most time with. The question is, who do you want them to be like?

 

There is always going to be more to write on socialisation, so look out for a future post on the same topic...

 

Please feel free to share, like and comment. Please feel free to message me with edits or typos.

 

Happy home schooling!

 

Love Alexis